The end of the trip is always the worst… Nevermind the physical exhaustion of an on-the-go two week “vacation” with kids… for me it’s the emotional closure that’s most difficult. You plan a vacation months in advance. The anticipation builds – you do the things – make the memories. It’s typically even better than imagined. That was the case this trip for sure. But vacations are escapism, and the end of the vacation means a return to reality, to the every day, to the grind.

Sometimes I’m good at seeing the beauty in the tedious, messy side of parenting, but just like anyone else, I’m often overwhelmed by it and oscillate between wishing it away and savoring it. Lately it’s been much of the former rather than the latter. Three is hard. Three is exhausting. It’s rowdy and non-stop and silly and physically demanding.

I’m not so far away from our infertility struggles to realize what I am saying. I’m sure the old me would want to slap now me right in the face hearing me say some of these “ungrateful” things… but the reality is you can be grateful and exhausted in tandem. Joy and frustration often arrive simultaneously. Giving everything of yourself to your kids and then being angry at them (and yourself) that you neglected to spare even a morsel for yourself. I guess this multilayered dichotomy is the essence of parenting. Eventually all those conflicting emotions swirl together with the march of days to weeks, and form a fog that makes it hard to see the future.

Right now all I can do is look around at my family, these successes, and realize that no matter what happens, I have everything I need.

– Steph

ETA: arrived to the parking lot at Dulles to find our right rear tie with a pressure of only 19. We topped it off at a Shell station but hopefully won’t end up doing an ETA2 from the side of I-95.